Another year another match report

So yeah, its the first match report of 2010 - and its not the first match of the season? What of it? Do you want to make something of it? Do you?

After a much needed mental health break this blogger has returned to (wo)man the keyboard in order to communicate to the masses what occurred on a Sunday in the tiny microcosm which is occupied by a plucky group of girls who play in purple under the nomenclature of Fulham Belles.

In other words the match report is back baby! And this season its improved and better than ever (actually that's not strictly true and is based on on the premise that everyone gets cleverer and wiser as they get older.)

Right - lets get to what we all came to see, the report of Sunday's match which saw our much younger and harder Fulham counterparts visit the home of football, The Alleyne sports club, Burbage Road, Dulwich. Actually lets face it its more the home of the caramel frapuccino, the Brompton fold up bicycle or the Organic delhi. But still its our home and it is very leafy and pleasant and verdant and we like it very much (although Keith would it kill you to get the old leaf blower out on pitch 1 - I'm just saying is all. )

Where was I...... so Fulham Compton were the visiting team in Round 2 of the John Greenacre Memorial cup. It should be noted this was a result of a bye and not in any way shape or form due to a victory in the previous round.

According to our ever optimistic coach we had to win this because "this is the only thing you are going to win this season". Little did he know that I have entered this weekend's Times Crossword and the winner is not announced until Thursday so actually he may not in fact be right. But he probably is. And anyway this all became academic.....

So an uncharacteristically spritely start out of the traps from the Belles saw them race to a 2-0 lead against the current leaders of the league. Supported by a rowdy crowd of urm 3 men from the balcony of the clubhouse bar, the Belles really turned it up and the opposition simply couldn't deal with it. Lara was uncontainable up front combining well with Tanya "Maria Riri" Barnard and the two reaped the rewards of their endeavour, each scoring within the first 20 mins. Other chances were forthcoming but spurned due to some decent defending from Compton.

Well this certainly was not supposed to happen - and so the Belles set about realigning the stars and righting wrongs. Also the effects of the rohitnol which laced the visitor's changing room started to wear off. Compton rallied and their coach took a breath from the volley of encouraging abuse that had been levyed throughout the half up to this point. Luckily Mr Moore stepped into his shoes with some morale boosting "you deserved that" and "you f*cking shambles."

Now. Up to now the Belles keeper had stood out like a light blue beacon of all that is good. She slid, she dived, she blocked. She was like a female Petr Cech without the superfluous rugby hat. However in keeping with the rest of team's tactics in setting about to undo all the good that had been done and possibly getting into the spirit of Christmas having walked past a Clinton's Cards on her way to the match.....Ali decided she was going to help out the other team. Compton floated a ball into the box from a corner. The strikers head connnected with it and the ball was drifting wide of the near post. Seeing the iminent non and passing danger Ali leapt like a salmon and....well....there is only one way to put this really - batted it into her own net. Perhaps like a playful kitten might bat a ball of wool around. BAM. 2-1. Goal tender scores in the second period of pre-overtime, to make the score 2 to one. GO TEAM!!

Compton then continued to press and equalised from a well taken shot from the edge of the area. Reports that the right back ducked out of the way muttering "not the face" remain unconfirmed.

So half time arrived. A predictable Redknapp-esque volley ensued.....and fell on completely deaf ears. The second hald - well the second half has been erased from the writer's memory - much like any other circumstances where the events unfoliding around you are truly traumatic. However several notable incidents do stand out in flashes of lucidity.

Stephanie Pelling made her much awaited return from injury. Here it was. The substitution that was going to restore faith in the Belles and see another historic comeback. Pelling's forst touch was a deft flicked header....backwards......into the path of the rather pacey oppostion forward. No-ne could really work out why - maybe it was felt that we had not travelled deep enough through purgatory and perhaps hell maight be fun for a while. Anyway luckily Alli was alice to the danger and saved the effort. Several of those happened with Sharnette and Emily doggedly holding defending for their lives. Some observers suspect that the right back was having some sort of mid life crisis - at one point running to the coach and ranting maniacally. Surprisingly this did not help the situation.

And then came a moment of the ridiculous and sublime. Vic took the pitch wearing some particularly natty luminous pink gloves. Unlike some footballers who wear grotesquely garish boots (no names mentioned, but the surname sounds like Barn yard) Vic prefers to let her hands do the talking on the pitch....and they were screaming NO NO NO. After a couple of steps Vic decided she was not getting enough attention or something and decided to "have a bit of a turn" (I think thats the technical term) Bemusingly this was 50 metres from where the ball was in oplay which was pretty spectacular. Luckily Fulham Compton's players were equipped to deal with sort of outlandish occurance and got Vic into recovery position. Seeing the noticeable distress on Vic's face, one cheeky fella from Essex seized in the perfect time to make what the Guiness Book of Records has actually described as the funniest comment in a highly inappropriate situation. Reprised for your pleasure here - here is the exchange as it happened:

Vic (pale and confused):"I-I-I think i-i-it was a p-p-panic attack."

Rob (presumably already in hysterics at what was about to happen): "Your not the only one - most of your team mates are too"

HAHAHAHAHAHAH gettit!! Gettit?! Its because (hang on wait a minute) its because when Fulham Compton were on the ball we all looked slightly nervous - as if (snigger) were having panic attacks.

THAT - is comedy gold ladies and gentleman.

So even though the final result was 4-2 to Compton, it p*ssed it down, and we are "not going to win anything else this season" we can all take solace from the fatc that WE WERE THERE. WE WERE THERE! When Robert Moore said the funniest thing in all of Christenden.

In all seriousness well played to the Belles - especially Ali - in my well respected opinion the player of the match, and thank you to Compton for playing the game in good spirits. Thaks to Rob and Jon, and Frank I don't know where you got to but I hope you enjoyed being warm and dry.

Until next time....lets face it that's probably 6 months - or maybe never!

The New Season Starts

Well........ if the new season isn't upon us already! Good luck to the Belles today in their match against Colne Valley! The match report will be posted here after the match

Hot Dang - Its only the March Report for the last match!

This weeks match report for the Regents Park Rangers match can be read under the Match Report tab. This weeks effort has been written by one of the team - can you guess who it is??

Match Report for Old Actonians Match

As a result of a technical fault this has not been available. It was written but the interweb crashed and the author in a fit of artistic pique could not bring herself to re write it....until today. Drink it in now!

Yay we played a match

Or at least we tried.....the Old Actonians match report is available - see match report

The East Moore Match Report

This can now be read. Go to Match Report to relive the tension all over again....

Tour 2010

To all Belles - the deadline for confirming whether you intend to come on the tour in May has been extended to Sunday evening. After that booking will commence in earnest. For further details of the trip to the Newquay 7s tournament please go to the 'Tour' page.

Jonno and Rob's birthday - 5 March 2010

For details of the above please go to the 'Events' page.

Match Report for Merton (14 February 2010)

The match report for the Merton game is now available for perusal - click on Match Report.

Welcome to the Fulham Belles Blogspot! Come back here to read updates, match reports and various musings about the team.......